(NOTE: I originally wrote this March 30, 2011, and apparently forgot to post it, but I think it’s still worth putting up. So I am.)
After a doctor’s appointment Monday to check out a (in my mind) little concern from over the weekend, I found myself (and my mom’s self) heading downstairs to triage. I pretty much know the ropes down there at this point, this being my third trip there and all. After checking me out upstairs, the OB I saw wanted me to be monitored for contractions and repeat a test I had done in the hospital for fetal fibronectin (FFN). In a nutshell, the FFN test, if negative, means there is above a 95% (or so, depending on who you ask) chance that you won’t go into labor in the next two weeks. If it’s positive, though, that doesn’t mean a 95% chance you WILL go into labor in the next two weeks; studies put it anywhere from a 10% to 60% chance. So when it’s negative, it’s very useful; if it’s positive, it’s still useful, just not as strong of an indicator. (That was a very long nutshell!) When I was in the hospital, they did the test and it was negative (whoo hoo!) and that was a big factor in my being discharged.
This time, though, it came back positive. And suddenly, all of my mental preparedness for babies was out the window. I thought that I was prepared for them to come at any time back when I went into the hospital. Apparently, I was not. In the five weeks (!!) that I’ve been back home, things have been very stable. My doctors are very pleased and a little surprised every time they see me. But realistically, I could have these babies any (ANY) time now.
We just have to wait and pray. My specific prayers this morning as I was laying in bed seemed so little and trivial in comparison to all the enormous needs of others that I could be praying for, but as my mom reminded me last night, doesn’t God still want us to ask? And so, I asked. To make it to 32, 34, 36 weeks. For no C-section. For healthy babies. For no major, long-term problems for the boys. To leave the hospital at the same time as the boys. These are some of my prayers for myself and my sons, as small as some of them are in the grand scheme of the universe. They are still my prayers. As my father-in-law said, I don’t think I have ever prayed so much or so hard for anything before.